Bar Fight
by Anime Fan18.0
Summary: You meet all kinds of people at a bar. Unfortunately for Ratchet, he meets a maddened, bloodthirsty lunatic looking to turn him into a Lombax-kabob. -One shot, post Secret Agent Clank-


**Anime Fan18.0 is proud to present...**

…**a short one-shot of silly proportions...**

**...hosted on Fanfiction(.)net...**

**BAR FIGHT**

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**A/N: **Well, while I've been on spring break, I've been writing a little bit. At one point, an idea popped into my head: _what would happen if Ratchet and some guy went at it in a bar?_ And so, yet another fanfic idea was born. It's short, and doesn't have much story, but I think it's pretty good. Anyway, enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Ratchet and Clank and all of its characters belong to Insomniac Games. Argon (you'll see) is my own original character, and thus belongs to me. If you accuse me of making money of any kind off of this, I will immediately proceed to fall down, pointing and laughing at you.

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Boredom. Pure, unadulterated boredom. It was nothing but mind-numbing, insanity-causing, unfiltered boredom.

Ratchet hated it.

'This is why I hate waiting...especially when there's nothing to do _while_ I'm waiting...' he thought to himself. Every time he had to wait for something, he was subjected to the tortures of boredom, helpless as the minutes slowly crawled by. Even though his watch said that he'd only been waiting about an hour, if felt like an eternity to the poor Lombax. With Clank back home, and only the drunks beside him for company, it seemed that there would be no sign of relief until his ship was repaired in the garage next door.

"Hey there sport, why so glum?" asked the bartender. He was a plump, green skinned man with three digit hands and two antenna that bobbed above his white hair.

"Huh? Oh, just bored," Ratchet replied. He could feel his long, normally perky ears press against his face/ Even his long, slender tail, which normally swished to and fro, was stiff and droopy.

"Well, cheer up," the bartender said. "Hey, why don't I get you a drink and some hot wings? On the house, too!"

"Pass," the Lombax replied with a wave of the hand. "As soon as my ship's repaired, I gotta get back home. Last time I drove drunk, I got into some deep trouble." Ratchet shuddered as he remembered the last time he'd driven drunk. That planet was still sending complaints to the Galactic President about that asteroid and the hole in one of their moons.

"Suit yourself," the bartender said with a shrug, moving on to attend to the other customers. Ratchet sighed again, burying his face into his arms as they rested on the counter.

Suddenly, a large cheer filled the room as someone, apparently a regular to this bar, walked in. Ratchet's ears twitched from the noise, and he couldn't help but look up to see what all the commotion was about. In came what struck Ratchet as one of the weirdest characters he ever saw; he was very tall, with a muscular build, and had black, spiky hair. He wore a dark blue chest piece, with silver shoulder pads and a glowing white center crystal, and black pants with pockets stitched into the sides. He also wore black gloves and boots, a golden belt, and a white mask that featured glowing blue eyes with a triangle-shaped marking under each eye.

At first, Ratchet just shrugged and buried his head into his arms again. However, he was forced to bring his head up when someone began tapping him on the shoulder. When he looked up, he saw it was none other than the man who'd walked in.

"Um...can I help you?" Ratchet asked a little moodily.

"Yeah..." the man replied as he crossed his arms. "Why don't you drag your furry ass out of my seat."

Ratchet raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Suddenly, the man grabbed Ratchet by the shoulder, spun him around on the bar stool, and stopped him with his hand. "I said," the man began, lowering his head until it was only a few inches away from Ratchet's muzzle, "get your furry_ ass _out of my _seat_!"

Ratchet wasn't unfamiliar with the ways of an asshole, but this guy had gone too far! He grabbed the man's arm, which was still on his shoulder, squeezed as hard as he could, and snarled, "Get...your hands...off me. _Now_!"Then he yanked the hand away and turned back around.

"Hey! You listenin'!?" the man cried indignantly. He then spun Ratchet around again and said, "I told you to get your furry _**ass**_out of my-"

Before he finished, Ratchet took his leg and kicked the man as hard as he could in the gut. The man stumbled backwards, knocking over a few drunks and some chairs, before finally tripping and meeting the floor.

"H...how _dare_ you!" the man cried indignantly as spilled beer ran down his white mask. "J-just who do you think you are?"

"Who am I?" Ratchet began as he got up out of the seat. "I think I'm the one who's about to bash your skull in unless you get away from me within ten seconds." Ratchet then reached up and materialized his trusty Omni-Wrench from his storage watch, pointing the weapon at the rude man.

"Do...do you know who I _am_!?" the man sputtered angrily as he got up from the floor. "I am Burackti, the most feared bounty hunter in all of Solana! There ain't a man alive that has challenged me and gotten away..._alive_ that is!"

"Well, how about a Lombax?" Ratchet asked as he brought the weapon to rest on his shoulder. "I bet you've never faced against one of those before."

"_Ha!_ Are you saying you think you can beat me?" Burackti shrieked.

"No, I'm saying I _can_ beat you," Ratchet replied with a smirk.

By now, a crowd formed around the two fighters, cheering for them to fight. Burackti took one look at the crowd and said, "Alright then, have it your way." He then took his own storage watch and materialized a weapon of his own; a fully upgraded Plasma Coil. Ratchet crouched into a fighting stance. He was going to enjoy this!

But before the two could go at it, a loud voice called out above the noise, "HOLD IT!" Everyone, including the two combatants, looked towards the source of the voice, the bartender. "There will be _no_ fighting in _my_ bar!" the bartender declared. "If you two insist on brawling, take it outside in the star port. Otherwise, knock it off!"

"Who asked you?" Burackti shouted. He then drew back his whip and cracked it at the bartender, sending out a wave of electricity towards him.

Luckily, Ratchet rushed forward and tackled him to the ground, just barely dodging the attack. "Hey, this is between you and me! Leave everyone else out of it!" Ratchet shouted.

"Well, then get your furry ass over her, so I can stomp it!" the bounty hunter called.

Growling, Ratchet leaped from the back of the counter, spun in midair, and launched his wrench at Burackti. Burackti ducked, got back up, and then cracked his whip, sending out a wave of electricity. Ratchet landed, jumped to the side, and ran towards the bounty hunter. Burackti prepared to crack his whip again, but was smacked upside the head by the wrench as it returned to its owner. Ratchet caught it, jumped up in the air, and came down prepared to slam his wrench into his attacker's skull. Burackti, who was on the floor, just barely managed to roll to the side and dodge the attack. The bounty hunter scrambled to his feet and reached for his whip, but discovered that it was missing.

"Looking for this?" Ratchet taunted as he held up the ruined weapon. In his scramble to dodge Ratchet's wrench strike, he'd dropped it, allowing the wrench to smash it into several pieces.

"Hmph, you think that's the _only_ weapon I have?" Burackti called out. He then pulled out another weapon from his storage watch; two gloves with glowing blades at the knuckles. "They're called Razor Claws. Smuggled them myself from another galaxy."

"Don't matter what they're called, because I'm still getting ready to bash your brains in," Ratchet called back. Once again, Ratchet rushed forward, jumped up, and prepared to bring his wrench down on top of the bounty hunter's head.

Burackti dodged, and began to slice at the Lombax. Ratchet dodged the first swipe, deflected the second with the broad-side of his wrench, and back-flipped behind the bounty hunter on the third. Before Burackti could turn around, Ratchet took his wrench and slammed it into the jaw of the bounty hunter, sending him flying a few feet.

"Why you..." Burackti growled as Nano-tech repaired his jaw. He then rushed Ratchet, getting ready to take his Razor Claws and shove them into the Lombax's chest. However, Ratchet side-jumped, dodging the attack. Burackti ran past him, like a bull through a bull fighter's cape, before turning around to charge again. With a tremendous amount of grace and agility, Ratchet jumped up, launched off the bounty hunter's back, and turned in midair to throw his wrench at his assailant.

Burackti, who was stumbling forward, off balance from being used as a spring-board, went flying as the wrench smashed into his back, knocking him into another set of tables and drunks.

"Fast little bugger, ain't cha?" the bounty hunter said as he pulled himself out from under the wreckage.

Ratchet caught his wrench right as he landed, and twirled the weapon in his hand. "Just a little bit," he bragged, smirking. The Lombax was getting a little cocky now; so far, the bounty hunter hadn't even _touched_ him.

"Of course," Burackti began as Nano-tech healed him, "I can be fast myself when I want to..."

Ratchet's cockiness faded as the hunter suddenly went from halfway across the room to kneeing him in the gut. Then, before the Lombax could recover, Burackti took his elbow and smashed it into Ratchet's jaw, sending him flying. Before he even hit the ground, Burackti rushed in front of him and kicked him in the side, sending him flying outside onto the floor of the star port.

"Ow..." Ratchet groaned as he struggled to get back on his feet. Just as his own Nano-tech began to take effect, the Lombax spotted Burackti casually walking out of the bar towards him.

"Whatd'ya think of that?" Burackti asked tauntingly. "Not bad for someone who's going to have their brains bashed in."

Ratchet growled, raising his wrench as he prepared to attack again. But before he could move, Burackti ran from the bar's door to right in front of the Lombax. In the blink of an eye, the bounty hunter sliced Ratchet across the chest, shredding his black T-shirt and harness. Again, the blue glow of Nano-tech took effect, allowing Ratchet to get back up from an otherwise potentially lethal attack.

'I can't take any chances with this guy,' Ratchet thought to himself. 'He's the one who started all of this, and now he's trying to kill me! I gotta take him out.' He then took his storage watch and placed his wrench back into it, scrolling down through the list of items in search of another weapon.

"Oh no you don't!" Burackti cried. He then rushed forward and began swiping at Ratchet. The Lombax did his best to dodge, ducking and jumping here and there, cringing as one of the glowing blades occasionally connected with a golden-furred limb. At one point, he managed to step to the side as Burackti flung his clawed fist forward. Ratchet stuck his foot out in front of the hunter's, grabbed his arm, and flung him down into the dirt. Before the bounty hunter could get up, the Lombax grabbed his legs, and, with a loud grunt, began twirling him around in a circle. With a loud battle cry, Ratchet launched a screaming Burackti through the window of another building.

"Come on, come on!" Ratchet growled to himself, panting as he cycled through the items in his storage watch. He needed to end this now, before this guy killed him! Suddenly, the front door of the building Ratchet threw the bounty hunter into burst open as said hunter flung himself towards the Lombax.

"_I'm going to kill you!_" Burackti shouted angrily, with his Razor Claws drawn back.

Panicked, Ratchet began tapping furiously on the cycle button of his storage watch, trying desperately to find the weapon he needed. Finally, he found the appropriate choice, and was about to take it out...

"_AGH_!" Ratchet cried as he was knocked to the ground. Then, the bounty hunter took his claws and used them to pin Ratchet to the ground, sticking them into the Lombax's shoulder blades. Ratchet screamed as pain overwhelmed him. He started to glow blue as Nano-tech tried to repair the damage, but with the claws still stuck into his shoulders, the nanobots' efforts proved to be in vain.

"What do you have to say _now_?" Burackti asked, his voice wicked and cruel. "I ought ta' just kill you now. But, seeing as I'm such a nice guy, I just _might_ let you live if you beg for your life!"

"Why don't you...bend down...pucker up...and kiss my _ass_!" Ratchet snarled.

Burackti growled, screaming, "Why you no good little-!" He stopped mid sentence, however, when something suddenly hit him in the crotch. The bounty hunter pulled his Razor Claws out from the Lombax's shoulders, and stumbled back as he clutched his neither regions, crying from the pain. "No fair..." Burackti whined.

"Tough," Ratchet replied as he got back up. He then pressed a button on his storage watch and materialized his RYNO. After aiming the super weapon, the Lombax pulled the trigger and fired off a full salvo of the mega-missiles straight at the bounty hunter.

"Oh _shi_-!" Before Argon could finish, one of the rockets connected to his body, blowing him into several pieces. Then the others hit, each one unleashing enough force to level a building, completely obliterating the cocky bounty hunter until not even a single _atom_ remained. As the smoke cleared, Ratchet stood, triumphant, leaning on the weapon as it sat on the ground.

"Sucks to be you," Ratchet said with a smirk. He then placed the weapon back into his storage watch, and walked towards the ship repair shop. All he wanted to do right now was get back in his ship and go home...

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**A/N: **Nothing to say but Read and Review!


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